What man needs to cry? Maybe all men need to cry. I’m going through couching right now, a type of couching that looks inward. It can be a bit like therapy at times. Other times, it can look like business coaching. My coach tore open an old wound. The years of stress and unexplained anxiety that I feel everyday was washed away with sadness and tears, just like that. Instead of being stressed and a little bit angry all of the time, I’m just very sad now. Maybe I’ve always been sad. Not maybe, definitely. I’ve always been sad. At least now I can deal with that sadness, instead of the unexplained stress.
I suffered from childhood trauma, and all of my life I just seemed like I was a little bit angry and maybe a little bit dead inside. I’m just as emotional as anyone around me. I have the soul of a poet, and I’ve finally realized that while I’m rough and strong on the outside, I’m still gooey and mushy emotionally.
I know I’ll come out the other side as a better more enlightened person, but this is really fucking difficult and strange. Luckily, the sadness makes me want to write more.
Has anyone else out there gone through emotional transformation?
At the Ottawa Writer’s Fest, I had the pleasure of hearing Cherie Dimaline speak. She restored my faith in fiction, saying that it can be transformational. I take that to mean that it really changes a person in a core way. It’s not like when you see photos of chocolate then you eat nothing but chocolate for a month. I mean, that will transform you, but not in any positive sort of way. Transformational fiction is writing that makes you think about real life situations, and sometimes you’ll want to help people or join a cause because of it.
I didn’t really think of fiction as transformational in the past. I love to write it and read it, but I often think of it as a bit of waste of time. You can write a story that parallels modern day horrors on this planet and subtly or even brutally put your readers in a scene that causes enough discomfort to spark a change in ideology or practice.
From now on, everything I write is going to start with the condition that it’s transformational, and I hope you’ll give it a try too.
Writing should be fun and inspirational, but how do you do it more often. I often think of writing like exercise:
- It’s something I want to do;
- It’s something I need to do;
- It’s something that will benefit me;
- If I build it into my routine it becomes easier;
- It’s something I don’t have time for;
- I just don’t feel like it right now.
Number 5 and 6 can make you go years without writing. Either you don’t have the time or just don’t feel like it. A lot of people will set about to punish themselves. In almost every case, this is a bad solution and won’t work in the long term. Sometimes punishments can masquerade as time management or self improvement. Some examples of punishment might be:
- I’ll stop watching television;
- I’ll spend less time hanging out with my friends;
- I won’t play video games ever again.
Taking something out of your life that you enjoy isn’t a permanent solution. You might find yourself writing more, but you might also end up being more unhappy. Certainly if there are things that waste your time that you don’t enjoy, cut those out. That would be a reward, so go for it. Otherwise, think about rewards that work for you.
- Once I complete my first chapter, I’m going to buy myself that new pair of shoes I’ve been wanting;
- I’m going to watch an hour of television right after I write a poem;
- Once I’ve completed that short story, I’m going to play video games.
For those who have very little time, keep in mind the time where you wait. Almost everyone has to wait for something at some point. You wait for the doctor, the dentist, friends, business meetings, family members, husbands, and wives. For those who take buses, trains, or planes, you can write while you’re commuting. In all of this time you spend waiting, you might be able to get a full novel complete within 2 years.
Good luck, and starting writing again. Feel free to contact me if you want to chat about your next project.
The sweetest type of honey drips down that delicious golden brown.
The tip of my tongue licks the drop, tastes it.
I press my lips to it, spread it open, just a bit.
My eyes close, the smell, intoxicating.
I slide my tongue inside, licking and tasting every bit of honey inside.
A bit drips down my chin, and all I can do is look up and smile.
Here I am writing a blog post between sets on my phone. So what’s your excuse?
Whatever your excuse, I understand, truly, no judgement. For the last twenty years, I’ve had more excuses than actual time writing. I did manage to squeak out a couple of novels, some poetry and short stories, but the real key to writing is routine, at least for me.
I’ve probably gone a whole year at a time without “putting pen to paper.” If you can set aside time to write, even if it’s between sets while working out, five times a week, that accumulates. That’s a novel every year or two.
Careers in writing are built in years not months. Whatever your excuse to not write, find time. Find five minutes before bed. Take 15 minutes at lunch. Keep doing it frequently. If you really don’t have five to fifteen minutes a day to spare, reach out and get help. I mean that seriously, not to make fun at all. Everyone needs some free time. Find the time and write.
I sometimes need a little button.
A little button on the back of my head.
I would reach back there,
Fiddling around though my hair,
Screwing my fingers around.
I would press it once, nothing.
No stress, warm sand between my toes.
No routine, the taste of ocean salt on the thighs of my love.
No responsibility, the bright sun warming my nearly nude skin.
I would press it once, nothing.
I know who I am.