A man with an obvious swagger applies powder to Stephanie’s face before he comes over to us, puts a bit of powder on my nose and says in a lisp: “looks like you’ve been working hard.”
I look up to see his bald head.
Stain shakes his head at me again. “Sappho, you mouth banged the makeup guy who is engaged to the woman interviewing us?”
“Yes, it would seem that way.”
“Oh, another thing. I had my cell on me the whole time.”
“So, I had my cell on me the whole time.”
“Oh, no. You’re traceable! They know exactly where you were the whole time.”
“Major flaw in the plan Sappho!”
“No. The plan changed. We were going to be on the run together anyway, so I didn’t have to ditch the cell until after you got out.”
“Right. Plus Big Money wouldn’t have been able to get in contact with you if you didn’t have your phone. This is a situation.”
Stephanie is ready as she announces: “with me today, we have two average looking men that go by the names Sappho and Stain.”
I interrupt: “actually we go by Stain and Sappho.” I point to Stain then to myself.
Stephanie continues. “Why the aliases when your real names are…”
Stain quickly interrupts: “they aren’t aliases. We don’t go by different names. We don’t have a set of aliases. We’ve abandoned our former names permanently in favor of our superhero names.”
Stephanie looks curiously at us. “So you both really think you’re superheros?”
I jump in by saying: “No. We are superheros. It’s not a thought. It’s the action that you take, everyday.”
Stephanie arrogantly shakes her head at me: “so everybody could be a superhero then?”
Stain calmly glares at her head, almost as though it wasn’t there when he says: “everybody could be, but almost nobody is. The world needs superheros, and if everyone were a superhero, the world would be a better place. The fact that there might only be a handful of superheros on the planet, makes it difficult.”
I chime in while looking at Stain then back at the camera: “Right right, but even if there were only one superhero on the entire planet, it would still be a better place then if there weren’t any.”
“So you guys honestly believe you have superpowers, like you can run really fast or see through my shirt or something?”
I giggle, but Stain continues on unaffected. “I have no intention of revealing our particular talents, as we want to keep that secret to use when it’s advantageous to us. We certainly don’t think we can fly or anything like that. When we talk about superheros and superpowers we’re not talking about a rich guy with a bunch of gadgets, a mutated genius, or a guy from another planet. We’re talking about people that have unique human talents and are willing to use them for the good of society without getting a pay cheque for it. I’m sorry if that damages your greed based view of the world, but that’s how it is.”
Stephanie looks at me as though she didn’t even hear the words Stain just uttered. “So, Sappho, when you were molesting that old lady in a hotel parking lot, was that the superhero thing to do?”
I give Stephanie my unimpressed look and say: “I didn’t molest anyone. There was a bit of a misunderstanding.”
Stephanie fires back again at me. “There were also reports of the two of you getting in a fight with a man and his wife.”
Stain gives a blank look, as though he doesn’t even remember, so I answer with: “no no. That man tried to attack Stain, but Stain chose not to fight until the guy came after me. He simply tackled the man then we left.”
Stephanie pipes up again. “It sounds like you have an excuse for everything don’t you?”
I don’t hesitate on that. “No. We have reasons for being wrongly accused of things. Isn’t that why you’re questioning us? Aren’t you supposed to be an impartial interviewer? Why have you judged us guilty when we’ve only tried to do good?”
Stephanie looks more angry than ever when she says: “I’m just asking for full disclosure, and I think you’re telling the good citizens what you want them to hear. You’ve been on a crime spree. You’ve assaulted cops, interfered in a bank robbery, and possibly caused a woman to die.”
I point at Stephanie, raising my voice: “now, Stephanie…”
Stain puts his hand on my arm. “Allow me.”
I look at Stain. “Are you sure?”
Stain looks at me: “it’s OK.” He looks back at Stephanie: “Stephanie, being engaged, I’m sure you can understand how important and fragile love is. I fell madly, deeply in love with Lily the one you refer to as a woman. I would have given my life to protect her, but I didn’t have the option. Someone shot her, as you know already, it was someone outside the bank. We protected everyone from the bad men in the bank. If there were two more superheros outside the bank, perhaps Lily…” Stain begins to choke up. “Perhaps Lily would still be alive.” Stain’s eyes well up, but no tears run down, as he swallows, choking back the pain and holding back as much as he can.
Stephanie’s temper isn’t calmed at all. She looks fierce when she asks: “well, if you guys didn’t do anything wrong, why were you arrested?”
I smile at Stephanie. “You know that’s not true. You know I wasn’t arrested, and if Stain did anything wrong, he would still be behind bars, not a completely free man.”
Stephanie grinds her teeth at me. “The jury is still out on that one.”
I smile even wider at Stephanie. “There is no jury on us.”
“Why is that?” Stephanie asks.
Stain very stoically adds: “Because, we fight for good.”
Stephanie yells at the cameraman: “that’s a wrap. Cut it at the jury’s still out.”
Stephanie storms off, while Stain and I walk towards the exit where we run into Big Money.
I look at Stain and Big Money. “Guys, I’ll be right back.”
Stain stops me by wrapping his arms around me. “Good to be back.”
“Yeah man. It’s good to have you back.”
I feel a little grab of my rear end. I give Stain an odd look, but he just laughs. I laugh back and run over to Stephanie’s dressing room. As usual, the door is unlocked. I go in to see Stephanie and Rick calmly talking.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Rick motions me to come in: “you’re not interrupting. It’s OK.”
Stephanie yells: “get out. I never want to see you again.”
I close the door behind me and quickly say: “I just wanted to apologize, to both of you, really. I never meant to do anything to hurt you or your relationship.”
Stephanie yells again: “well you did. Asshole!”
Rick is much more calm. “It’s us who used you. Stephanie and I both knew who I was, who I am. We just never admitted it.”
Rick holds out his arms, so I give him a hug. Stephanie grabs my hair in her hands yanks it towards her and kisses me on the lips. Things escalate fast while Stephanie and I start touching each other frantically. Rick unzips my pants and puts me in his mouth, while Stephanie disrobes completely and bends over the couch. Rick pulls me out of his mouth and, with his hand, guides me directly into Stephanie. At that exact moment the female security guard comes in.
“Holy mother fucking Jesus fuck. What the fuck is wrong with you fucking people? Sappho, the boss wants you.” She closes the door but stays in the room, waiting for me.
I continue thrusting into Stephanie, while Rick is giving me the “we shouldn’t be doing this look.”
I look back at the security lady. “As you can see, I just need a few more minutes.”
I take Rick’s hand and spank Stephanie with it. She lets out a little gasp. Then I push Rick’s face towards Stephanie’s backside. He gets the idea. While his tongue is servicing her backside, I reach around and give her the right kind of stimulation. Stephanie grabs Rick’s soldier in her hand.
“Seriously, we gotta fucking go, and if I don’t fucking come back with you, the boss is going to fucking yell, then he’s going to rip out my fucking heart and eat it while it’s still beating.”
I pull out of Stephanie, put my clothes back on and begin walking out with the security lady. “I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble or anything, but I really could have used a bit more time.”
I look back and Rick has taken my place. It’s a beautiful site. A homosexual man and a heterosexual woman. How could two people be more in love?
Rick is really thrusting hard when he waves at me and says: “thanks Sappho. Hey Stephanie, if we did get married, would you pee on me?”
Stephanie looks back at Rick, “oh yeah, as long as you eat my ass while I’m doing it. That feels good.”
I close the door behind me and walk away with the security lady. She looks down at my pants: “do you need a minute?”
“Are you sure?”
“Fucking nasty. Listen, despite what I just walked in on, I think what you and Stain did at the bank was really cool.”
“Thanks. Thank you.”
I see Big Money down the hall. “Hey B.M. what’s up?”
Big Money looks at my pants. “What’s up with you? And where were you two for so long?”
“Chill out man. What is she your niece or something?”
“Whoa! Sorry B.M., nothing happened.”
Stain shakes his head at me.
The security lady speaks up for me: “he was with Stephanie.”
Big Money lets out a little laugh. “Again?”
The security lady says: “and Rick, and they left the door unlocked.”
Big Money lets out a big old baby panda eating laugh and says: “you gotta learn to knock. Davis, you sick sick bastard.”
I look towards Big Money, while I see the cop that Stain first assaulted walking out of the building, and I say: “so, what did you need me for?”
Big Money shakes his head. “Don’t worry. He had some questions about the terrorist attack, but I think we cleared them up. We let him know where you were.”
Stain yells out. “Officer, you dropped your phone.” Stain holds it up in the air.
The cop inspects it thoroughly, gives Stain a snide look, utters “mmhhhmm” and walks out.
I look at Stain. “He looked tired.”
Stain answers: “yeah, he’s had the day off, not sleeping well, I guess. He’s actually off duty right now, so nobody knows he’s here.”
“Oh,” I answer back.
“Thanks again Big Money,” I say.
“Don’t mention it. You guys go fight some lesbian crime and come back when you have a story.”
Stain and I walk out together. Stain smiles at me. “Hey man, as it turn out, you dropped your phone too.”
Stain hands me my phone. It’s definitely my phone. I confess: “I don’t get it?”
Stain smiles again. “You hungry? I could go for some chips?”
I smile back. “Gotchya, but won’t they just know that the phone’s chips are switched?”
Stain shrugs his shoulders. “Chain of evidence, plausible deniability, blah blah blah. At the very least, it’ll throw them off until the media stops allowing the police to call it a terrorist attack.”
“Yeah, optics are everything for them.”
Stain nods. “Optics are everything. That’s why we need a brand.”
I laugh. “T-shirts.”
“T-shirts,” Stain returns.
I pop my finger in my mouth. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, lemon and honey.