I sit here, under motivated, after another night of over consuming high THC cannabis. I was alone, so I didn’t enjoy the high. The amount that I had made me worried about my mortality and the mortality of those around me. Marijuana makes me way more emotional, even when I’m not on it. I become sad and worry a lot more about dying when on weed. While it tends to calm my nerves and make me less angry and have less anxiety in general, I’m giving up some physical strength and emotional stability for weed, and I’m giving up my drive do to things. Weed has been a very frequent part of my life for about 5 years now, and I want to go from daily or near daily use to a couple of times a month, at most.

The hardest part is the detox. I won’t sleep well for the first week, and my anger and anxiety will spike for the first month, until I get used to the new me. I’ll have to make sure to run regularly and have a cup or two of chamomile before bed.

The biggest question I need to ask myself is: “Why the fuck are you self medicating if you’re well?”

Either I’m doing myself a disservice by having so much weed, or I’m self medicating to get rid of a problem. Here’s the issue, as I see it. If I were to get a headache once, I would take an aspirin. If I were to get a headache everyday, I should figure out what is causing the headache and try to put a stop to that. So, if I have a problem that is worth medicating with marijuana, I should figure out what the problem is, and I should try to put a stop to that.

It’s going to be challenging to not have weed when I have some in the house, and it’s legal to buy.

Son of Sappho Diary , , ,

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