I turn the lights on. “Who’s down there?” I yell from the top floor of my house. I hear movement, but nobody says anything back, so I move quickly down the stairs to the middle floor. My heart is beating fast, at least twice its normal speed. I frantically start turning the lights on, one…
Read moreThe only thing better than a second term with @BarackObama is the love of a good #woman.
I go to class, you know, English class, in the basement of the C building. It’s the really old-looking building with all the silverfish in the lockers. I’m glad to get away from my girlfriend; her name is Menteuse. She’s French. We practically live together. She’s all into math and science, and I take history,…
Read moreIf there is nothing worthwhile to be gained by fighting, #forgiveness is the only thing that makes sense.
“He’s in there Ryan. He doesn’t say much though, but go ahead in.” “Right, well, uh, thank you.” I walk into a sterile smelling room with a bed, a TV, and an old man who I don’t recognize. “Hey Dad.” He says nothing in return, not even moving his head to look at me. “I…
Read moreEveryone #lies to each other. Except for me. I won’t lie to people, but everyone else on the planet will, including you.
Ding dong. The doorbell. I do that thing where you put your hand up to your mouth, breathe out a big gust of warm air and try to smell fast enough to make sure your breath isn’t bad. I can’t really smell anything, but it doesn’t ever really work anyway. A quick hair check. Right,…
Read moreAccepting Today
Ring . . . ring . . . ring. “Hello?” “Hello, my name is Emily, and I’m calling from Empire Credit Card. Is Ryan home today?” “Yes. I’m Ryan.” “Hello Ryan. How are you today?” “I’m feeling a little melancholy for no particular reason. This is fairly common though. I’m also a tad bit peckish,…
Read moreA Hole . . . Lotta . . . Drugs
I’m outside the world’s sketchiest house. I feel that I’m running from something, so I open the world’s flimsiest green wooden door and go inside. There’s music playing, but it’s turned down real low, so I can’t make out the words in the song, and even if I could, I expect I would have never…
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