It was another day at the office today, as cliche as that sounds. I’m having difficulty just finding volunteer writing jobs. I do have some writing experience, and I graduated from university with an English degree, yet I’m somehow still working in a web development job, even though I never studied it. I’m even a better writer than a developer.
It frustrates me sometimes that it is so difficult to get writing work, but I’m pushing forward, and I’m going to keep trying. At this point, I’ll take volunteer, freelance, or whatever. I would even work overnights if I had to. This is the career that I want. I do well at web development, but it takes a little piece of my soul everyday.
I love Christmas, and even though I’m not religious, I still enjoy the feasts, the tree, and spending time with family. I don’t like how Christmas seems to begin the day after Halloween.
Stores, lined wall to wall with Christmas crap, try to get a ton of people to start their Christmas shopping. Christmas is almost a full 8 weeks after Halloween, 55 days. To put this in perspective, Valentine’s day is just over 7 weeks after Christmas, but I’m not hearing about people making their Valentine’s day plans on the 26th of December.
It’s fair to say that Christmas requires more work and planning than Valentine’s day, but do we really have to start shopping for Christmas almost two months ahead of time?
I have kids, and I get them presents for Christmas, so it’s not that I’m altogether against the gift giving side of Christmas, but I don’t rack up a ton of credit card debt purchasing two month in advance. I buy presents in December, usually about 3 weeks before Christmas, and I’m usually done about 2 weeks before Christmas. This gives me plenty of time to wrap presents. I don’t spend so much money that I lose sleep at night, and more and more I’m trying to buy thoughtful gifts that mean something to the person. Yes, my daughter would love a new huge flat screen mounted on her bedroom wall, but I’m getting her an art desk; she’s an artist. She’ll love the art desk. She would be more elated at first by the flat screen, but the art desk encourages her life goal of being an artist – invaluable. The flat screen in her room only teaches her antisocial behavior and laziness. If my daughter looks back at that moment 10 years from now, she won’t remember how awesome it was to have a huge TV in her room 10 years ago. She will remember how her parents always supported her dream of being an artist.
Yeah, I’m going to continue doing Christmas my way. Christmas isn’t a rap video.
I see so much attraction between people, even though it “should not” be there.
My wife likes a close female friend of ours. That close female friend used to like me, and I used to like to her. There is another woman who I sometimes work with; I have recently developed an intense attraction to her, and at the same time she has developed an intense attraction to me.
These are everyday attractions that most people aren’t even aware of. I think a lot of people guess that someone might like them, and they might like someone but deny it because of a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, or whatever. It’s the man who constantly tries to talk to you, even though he might have nothing to say. It’s the woman who laughs at your terrible jokes, especially when they aren’t funny.
I’m that guy who can see what’s written plainly in front of his face. I don’t hump the beautiful woman who I sometimes work with, grabbing on to her leg like a dog, not because I’m married, not because she’s in a serious relationship, and not because I’m afraid to stain her favorite pair of pants. I don’t engage these attractions because I love the woman I’m with, and she loves me.
Yes, I still want to rip my wife’s clothes off with my teeth, take her from behind, spank her, turn her over, and frost her cupcakes; after all, I’m still a filthy dirty man with filthy dirty man needs. I don’t want to do this with other women. I’m not some gay guy pretending I’m straight, and I’m not super sensitive to the point where I believe that cheating is the end of life itself. In fact, I kind of see it as mostly insignificant, but it’s not something I’ve ever done, and it’s not something I entertain at all.
I love my woman, and I love my life. All things are in a constant state of change, but I want to continue to learn, grow, and age with the woman who I’m crazy in love with. I don’t think marriage is the reason not to have sex with other people. I think love is that reason. This lasting, life long, love is what has kept me from pulling my “money” out of my pants and sticking it into any “roast beef wallet” that has come along.
I have to stop writing now. All of the sudden, I’m hungry for a sandwich with lots of meat and extra mayo.
I was listening to the radio on my way home from work the other day. I know it’s crazy not to listen to music that I spent hours selecting and illegally downloading off the internet, but sometimes I like to listen to news or talk. On this station, they were discussing the idea of documenting every aspect of a life. People spend all sorts of time photographing and taking videos of their lives. These photos and videos make great memories, and they are nice to share with family and friends. The woman on the radio argued that this fanatical over documenting that people do doesn’t allow them to actually live in the moment. Instead of being the person in the moment, you become the person documenting the moment.
I have to say, the idea of living in the moment and not documenting it is not a new concept to me. Most of the reason that I almost never photograph a moment or record something to video is because I want to actually enjoy the moment, live in it. Now, I don’t think that taking a 30 second video or taking 1 or 2 pictures is going to spoil your fun, but I do agree that recording an entire birthday party means that you are not truly living in that moment.
The biggest problem that I had with this radio program was that they never mentioned the idea of documentation as an outright lie. A real documentary is to stage nothing, be impartial, and show things fairly. We document our lives and our families lives not as a documentarian but instead we stage moments, we are completely biased, and we only show what we want. Even for those of us who actually take candid shots, most people aren’t keeping the pictures where people look unhappy.
I think most people stage photos. Nobody smiles 16 hours a day. Even people who are ridiculously happy spend most of their time not smiling.
All of these thoughts lead me to a very sad memory. In the summer, my beautiful nephews (identical twin boys) turned 2. I was so happy, excited, and just completely involved in the moment when they got to open their presents. The first 2 presents were given to them by my wife and me. They had huge smiles on their faces, and they were about to rip into the presents. Most people would see this as a perfect opportunity to document it by taking some candid photos and video taping it, but my very typical family/extended family decided to stop the boys from opening their presents because the video camera wasn’t yet ready. My sister even grabbed their hands and told them to wait. One of those boys almost cried. I put up a serious protest with my sister and told her to let them open the presents because I could see that she was ruining the moment for them. She wouldn’t listen to me, and everyone in the room made me feel as though I was being ridiculous.
After the video camera was finally figured out, the boys had no interest in opening the presents. They had to be coaxed into it by everyone in the room. In ten years from now, the video camera is going to tell the memory of 2-year-old boys opening their presents. Yes, they will have unaffected looks on their faces, but people will just say that’s how they acted when opening presents. Who really knows with a 2-year-old anyway? The video camera will tell the lie that everyone wants to believe. The video camera will never tell the story of how their mother completely ruined the first time that they’ve ever really cared about opening presents in their lives. Spoiling the moment and creating a lie was worthwhile to everyone in the room (except for me and the birthday boys), but missing the true moment and allowing the birthday boys to enjoy their birthday was completely out of the question.
For the last few years, I’ve been struggling to meet goals. The goals are simple, become a writer and get into shape. Neither goal is particularly difficult; they’re both just long and time-consuming.
I’ve never been what you would call overweight, but getting into really good shape would still take a lot of dedication, maybe 12 months of working out 6 days week. Well, I’m about 6 months into this schedule already. This wasn’t an easy task for me, since I’m not, by any means, a jock.
It’s easy enough for me to sit down and write here, but to make it my life and career is a longer goal. I need to treat it like exercise and just keep devoting time to it, no matter what. Right now, I’m going to volunteer for some writing jobs to build a portfolio.
As for this site (sonofsappho.com), you can expect to see stories, writing tips, and perhaps just general musings in the weeks to come.
Today my daughter (Aphra) was sick, so I stayed home with her. She’s ten years old, so she pretty much just wanted to stick herself in front of the TV all day. I love Aphra dearly, and I wish we could have just taken the day off together, hung out and done something awesome, but instead we got stuck inside doing nothing.
On top of that, I lost a client today . . . as if I care. It’s a web development client, and I’ve been trying to make the move from web developer to writer for years, but it’s been difficult, since I have a family. As a writer, I would make less money than I do as a developer. I would like to pick up some freelance jobs, but it doesn’t seem very easy or financially worthwhile.
I’m just starting this blog today, and the name is a pen name that I started using in the 1990s. I’m not trying to hide my identity, but I don’t want people who I work with today to know that I’m trying to transition out of web development, so if you do want to know anything about the real me, just ask.
I hope to make the diary category a true representation of my life as it unfolds, and as for the other categories – I’m just going to write what I feel and go from there.