We’re running. I’ve sped up and Stain has slowed down. We’re sober. The pathway starts moving closer to the river, through the trees, and away from the road. This is good for us, no cops.

We slow down to a walking pace. Just up ahead, we see inukshuks built up using river rocks. The water flows gently between stoney legs. People are singing, dancing, and playing guitars.

“Stain, do you smell that?’

“Yeah, it smells like Blueberries?”

“No man. It smells like weed.”

“Oh yeah, yes, yes yes.”

“Stain, what Man?”

“Blueberry weed.”

We walk towards the beautiful aroma to find around 30 folks, all partying, having fun, and passing a joint that was made by stuffing an empty paper towel roll with good ole Mary Jane.

Stain says nothing. That’s Stain sober.

I’ll give it a go. I walk up to a shirtless guy who is wearing a bandana on his head, so I figure he won’t judge me, even though I obviously just judged him. I’ll even try to speak his lingo. “Hey man, I hope I’m not harshing your buzz or crashing your party or whatever, man. We’re just like heading downtown, and we saw you guys and wanted to say hi.”

Shirtless guy, with eyes only half open and a goofy smile on his face, nods at me. “Yeah. You guys are welcome here. You just have to contribute, you know?”

Stain puts his shoulders up and then back down. “All we have is twenty cents.”

Shirtless guy shakes his head at us and starts wagging his finger. “Don’t think capitalist. Think commune. We don’t accept money. We only accept an offering of yourselves, whatever that may be.”

Again, Stain is silent, so I speak. “OK. Well, we’re superheroes, so perhaps we could entertain you with our superpowers. We each have one.”

Shirtless guy speaks up, so everyone will listen. “I have an announcement. We have two newcomers who have accepted the challenge of offering. They are superheros, and each one of them wishes to regale us with his own unique superpower. Their superpowers are . . .”

Shirtless guy looks at me to finish the sentence, but I walk over to him and whisper in his ear. He simply nods at me and speaks to the crowd once more. “The superpowers will be demonstrated but not announced.”

Stain pulls me aside. “How am I going to perform my superpower? I’m not drunk.”

“You’re not. You’re going to do the party trick.”

“What? No way.”

“We promised superpowers. Trust me, it’ll look like a superpower.”

“You can do the party trick too. Why don’t you do it?”

“Because. My superpower works without alcohol.”

“How am I going to be able to perform?”

“Leave that to me.”

I borrow someone’s lawn chair and give it Stain. He nervously sits down on it.

I walk over to the edge of the river where three beautiful, long haired, dancing, hippie women have their feet in the water. I whisper to them then they promptly surround Stain and take their shirts off.

Stain pulls down his pants, pulls out Stain junior, bends way over, and pops it in his mouth.

Shirtless guy looks amazed. “Holy fucking shit man.”

The three ladies surrounding Stain, whose eyes are now bulging way out of their heads, look over at me. So, what’s your superpower?

Shirtless guy speaks to the crowd again. “Before performing, he told me that his superpower was that he could get any woman to take her shirt off. I believe he has adequately demonstrated this.”

Stain puts his pants back on. “All right, time to share the love.”

One of the topless women touch his back. “I’m all about sharing the love, especially after seeing you suck your own cock.”

Stain walks in the opposite direction. “I’m talking about the herb; besides, I love Lily.”

Son of Sappho Stain and Sappho , , ,

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