Sometimes people will watch a really sad movie because they want to cry. I’m not generalizing. I know that watching a sad movie doesn’t make you the kind of person who wants to cry. Schindler’s list was pretty fucking sad or any movie ever where some poor asshole dies of cancer. There is a value in watching these things, but there are some people who will set out to watch a sad movie because they want to have a “good cry.”

If you’re like me, which you’re most likely not, you’re asking yourself “why in the name of Buddha would I ever want to feel sadness? It is an all consuming shitty emotion that makes you want to put a mother fucking gun in your mouth and snuff out your own personal universe.”

I hate sadness because I’ve had too much of it, so I can understand why people would want to chase happiness. You want to feel an emotion that you don’t get enough of.

A few people who have read 14 self help books and smile at themselves in the mirror every morning might disagree with this as they continue to look at themselves and say some shit like: “you’re the best you, and today you’re going to make a difference.” To those people, please destroy the post dated cheque you’ve written to yourself for a million dollars, and wake the fuck up.

I smile when I’m happy. Smiling doesn’t make me feel happy. Telling myself lies doesn’t make me feel happy. Smiling is a result of happiness.

I aim to feel contentment. To me that means that I’m good with where I’m at and what I have. It doesn’t mean that I don’t ever strive for more. Aiming to feel happy all the time is as ridiculous as trying to feel sad all the time. They are nothing more than fleeting emotions.

That’s my experience. What do you think?

Son of Sappho Diary

2 Replies

  1. Booyah… agree powerfully that a forced smile will always be just that… a forced write I also believe reads with less content. I remember yrs bk, the TV sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond aired an episode of the wife being caught watching a movie to workup a cry. Same premise as u so accurately wrote. Well done, contentment I hope you felt instantly.

    1. Hey LT. I’m working towards contentment. I thought of that episode too, after the idea for this post came to me, but while I was still writing it.

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