I head over to the TV station, since I’m already downtown. I discard the prison break backpack and all the gear in a dumpster along the way. The grappling hook is still hooked on to the police roof. Unfortunately, I couldn’t figure out a suitable way to retrieve it after climbing down. Lucky for me, I never let the schweinhund get my finger prints.
At the TV station, I walk up to the security desk. I look up to see security cameras everywhere. I bet they’re time stamped too. There’s a man and a woman behind the desk, both very young, beautiful, and in great shape. The woman is chatting with someone on her cell, while the man is looking around in a very paternal sort of way.
“Yes sir?” The security man asks.
“I’m Sappho. I’m here to see Stephanie.”
“Sappho. I don’t see your name on the list.”
“What about Davis?”
“Davis? Yeah. I have a Davis, but not until 12:00pm with the boss. It’s only 10am.”
“Right. I’m supposed to meet with Stephanie first.”
“I don’t have you here until 12:00pm.”
“Stephanie asked me to come in before hand.”
“Is it a pre interview? I could call her up.”
“Uh. Your discretion is pretty important here.”
“I’m going to see Stephanie, and give her a little pre interview…” I motion forward with my fist.
“Ah, sir?” The security man looks confused.
“I’m going to play some reindeer games.”
“Sir, I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”
I whisper: “I’m going to say hello to her tropical zone with my North pole. Then, I’m going to continue with the polar warming in any other zone she’ll allow.”
“Sir, you’ll need to be more straight forward. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
I speak loudly out of frustration. “I’m going to take Stephanie, tear off anything that covers her beautiful milky white skin, taste anything that opens, and put myself in every wet spot that she’ll allow. Then after she screams my name as loud as she can, I’m going to pull out and explode all over the place. We’ll both be covered in each other’s juices when I run my hand through her hair, kiss her lovely soft pink lips, and tell her how beautiful she is.”
The security man is just staring at me. The security woman, who still has the phone up to her ear, isn’t talking anymore, but she is staring at me with her eyes bulging and her mouth gaping open. Other passers by have stopped and are looking at me too. I hear a baby panda eating laugh then I feel a slap on the back. It’s Big Money. He ushers me out of the lobby, towards the dressing rooms.
“Davis, you need to be a bit less public about Stephanie. She’s very private about her private life, or at least she was until you came along.”
“Sorry Big Money. I was trying to be discrete, but the security guy was a bit dense.”
“Yeah, he’s my nephew.”
“I’m so sorry B.M. I didn’t know.”
“No no, it’s fine. My nephew is an idiot, that’s why he works here. I can’t imagine that anyone would employ him anywhere else. Oh, and why did you start calling me B.M.?
“B.M. for Big Money.”
“That’s not what B.M. means. Here’s Stephanie’s dressing room. You can hang out until we all meet. What’s that smell? Is it some kind of incense or something?”
“Nevermind. Davis, if you need anything, call up the assistants, they’ll get it for you.”
“Thanks Big Money, again.”
I go inside, close the door, take my shoes off and lie down on the couch. Stephanie doesn’t seem to be around, so I nod off to sleep.
“Wake up. I said wake up.”
“Sappho. Wake up.”
“Yes, it’s Stephanie. This is my dressing room.”
“What are you doing in here?”
“You’re in my dressing room! Get out!”
“Five more minutes.”
“I’ll be back in an hour. You better be out of here before then.”
I nod back off to sleep.
I feel a wonderful sensation. My little guy has grown big, and it feels warm and wet. I feel a mouth working my popsicle. I move my hands out to run them through Stephanie’s beautiful blonde hair, but all I feel is skin. I open my eyes to see a big bald head bouncing up and down on me. Stephanie’s bald? Oh, that’s not Stephanie. Oh, that’s not a woman! He looks up at me smiles, while he chokes on me. I hear the door knob turn. Please be locked, please be locked, please be locked.
The door opens, and I hear the Big Money’s baby panda eating laugh, followed by Stephanie yelling at him. “Don’t laugh. That’s not funny.”
Big Money looks at me, barely able to hold back his laughter. “I see you’ve met Stephanie’s fiance.” The bald man keeps bobbing up and down, while Stephanie watches, devastated but transfixed.
Big Money looks at me. “You sick fucker. Time to meet. Oh, and by the way, Reggie is a free man.”
Stain walks in and shakes his head at me.
I push the handsome bald guy off me, run over to Stain and give him a huge embrace.
“Ah, Sappho, you’re poking me, and you’re getting that guys spit all over my shirt.”
I awkwardly tuck it away into my pants, doing up my zipper and belt.
Big Money has trouble not laughing when he asks: “how long is it going to stay like that?”
Stain looks at Big Money and says: “a long time.”
Big Money looks at Stephanie. “Stephanie. Be ready in 15 minutes to interview Reggie and Davis. Oh, and make sure the cameraman knows to shoot above the waist only. Oh, Davis, you sick fucker you. Reggie, Davis, come with me.”
Big Money walks us to his office, practically laughing the whole way.
“Big Money, why didn’t you tell me she was engaged?” I say with my eyes bulging directly out at him.
“If I told you, would you have stopped playing around with her?”
Stain and Big Money both look at me and say, in unison: “no you wouldn’t have.”
“You don’t know that.”
Big Money laughs again. “Look, I was just sparing you the guilt. Now, Stephanie and her fiance Rick are forced to see what they’ve done to each other, and you’re forced out of the situation. Everybody is happy, and nobody had to make the wrong choice to continue to lie and cheat.”
Stain gestures toward me. “Big Money has a point.”
I put on my best frowny face. “Yeah, maybe on the top of his head.”
Big Money brings us into his office and closes the door. “All right now. No hard feelings. Listen, I brought you guys here . . .”
Big Money looks distracted and stops speaking mid sentence. Then he looks at Stain and starts sniffing him.
“Stain, What’s the smell on you?”
“It’s smoke, from the police station.”
Big Money shakes his head no. “That’s not smoke. It smells like incense or something.”
Stain looks at me out of the corner of his eyes. “Right, it’s smoke, from the terrorist attack at the police station this morning.”
I give Stain a very questioning look. “Terrorist attack?”
Stain gently looks back at me. “That’s what the cops are calling it.”
Big Money raises his eyebrows at me. “How is it that you both smell the same?”
I shake my head at Big Money. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.”
Big Money touches Stain’s shoulder. “Did anyone get hurt?”
“No, as it turns out, I don’t think it was real smoke.”
Big Money picks up his phone and dials a few numbers. “Yes, please bring me all security video, including any backups from this morning.” There’s a short pause. “I don’t care about procedure. Just do it and do it now. Everything from before 11:00am.” Another short pause occurs. “Now!” Big Money slams the phone down.
A surprising calm washes over Big Money. “Gentlemen, it looks like the security videos from this morning have permanently gone missing, so if anyone, for any reason were to ask what time Davis came in, I would have to tell them that to the best of my recollection, he showed up around . . .”
Stain quickly adds in “8:30.”
Big Money finishes by saying: “he showed up around 8:30am.”
Big Money tosses me a signed baseball that sits on a mount on his desk and says: “looks like I called you just in time.”
I toss the ball back to Big Money and admit that “yes, you called me just in time.”
Big Money opens his office door, puts his arms around us, ushering us out. “Gentlemen, it looks like we have an agreement. Lets go do this interview.”