It was all fun and games at the Hocky game ton...
It was all fun and games at the Hockey game tonight. #fb (Photo credit: kconleypics)

A story in the adventures of Stain and Sappho

I’m sitting alone writing a short story for my blog when I see a text come in from my step sister. We don’t talk much anymore.

Tammy writes: “Hey, lets grab a beer.”

I write back: “I don’t know. I need to get a few things done.”

Tammy writes: “LOL, it’s one beer.”

She’s right. It’s just one beer.

I write back: “Kewlz, meet you at Bar Z.”

That’s not the real name of the bar; we call it “Bar Z” because it’s the last place you would ever want to go, the bar of last resorts, but it’s close to where we both live.

I walk over to Bar Z to see my sister with a pitcher of beer and two glasses, both poured.

“Hey Sappho.”

“Hi Tammy, what’s up?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to have a beer with my brother.”

“Cool.”

“So, what’s new?” she asks.

“I don’t know. Not much.”

“Well, I heard Jill was in a fight with Jessica,” she says in a questioning tone.

“My girl, Jill?”

“Yeah.”

“No.”

“You know, people hide who they are from each other. You can’t really ever truly know your partner.”

“Well, I know her better than you or anyone else.”

“There is a lot that you don’t know, stuff that she told me.”

“Look, I’ll be right back.”

I take off to the washroom and text Stain my location. I take my time coming back to the table. Tammy is now sitting with some guy I’ve never met before, and she introduces us.

“Sappho, this is Edward. I hope you don’t mind him joining us.”

“Not at all. It’s cool. Stain is going to come by as well.”

Tammy lets out a very disapproving “uh” sound before asking: “you invited Stain?”

“Yes.”

“Here?”

“Yes.” I reply and quickly change the focus to Edward. “So, Edward, where does Tammy know you from?”

“Uh, she’s come to a couple of my hockey practices.”

“Right. Right, so does she ice your pucks gently while holding onto your stick?”

Edward starts laughing. “Gently, no. I like my balls to be slapped around.”

I look at Edward with an expression of pain and discomfort when I say: “Look I gotta be honest here. Tammy, you lie about everything, and try to manipulate everyone as much as possible, and Edward, I like you and I kinda want you to get naked, so I can punch you in the junk and watch the resulting climax from that.”

Edward smiles, cocks his head to one side, and says: “well, I’m not usually into guys, but if you seriously want to punch me in the balls while I jack off and your sister watches, I’d be into that.”

I’m somehow not phased by this because I hope it’s going to backfire, and that makes me very happy. So, I say: “right here, right now.”

Edward looks at Tammy and looks at me. “I’m seriously into this if you are.”

Stain walks up behind us. “What are you guys into?”

“Hey Stain. Edward here, Tammy’s friend, is going to drop his pants, and we are all going to punch his goody bag while he adds some extra foam to the beer.” I say with confusion and conviction.

Stain looks at me weird. “What?”

“Oh yeah. It’s happening. Are you in?”

Stain looks at me weird. “Fine, whatever.”

Edward gives me the “are you sure” look, and I nod at him. He pulls his pants and boxers down to his knees and starts working away at choking the life out of his little guy, while yelling at the top of his lungs: “punch my balls. Punch my balls.”

I give Edward a disgusted look, say: “you’re sick. I’m leaving,” and I walk out with Stain, Edward just keeps going, and Tammy is frozen, not knowing what to do.

Outside the bar, I see Stain holding a beer, and I ask: “hey, you stole a glass of beer from the table?”

Stain replies: “yeah, given the circumstances, I didn’t think anyone would notice. So, what was that all about anyway?”

“I didn’t want to be around Tammy anymore.”

“Fair enough.”

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