I sat there, alone in my board room, looking out into the grey city. It’s a city that I once loved, more than anyone or anything. I loved this grey cold beast. The more I schemed, lied, cheated, stole, the more I gave in to my darkest side, the more the beast gave back to me. You don’t change that beast. It keeps changing you.
Now, at 40 years old, I wish I had chosen some other way to spend my life. Could I have been a farmer, probably not, I hate any sort of manual labor. Maybe I could have run a charity, but I was way too selfish for that.
“You have a look of regret on your face.” I look over to see a tall medium brown haired man with a light skin tone but healthy looking complexion talking to me.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” I ask.
He laughs a little before he says: “don’t be sorry.”
This fucker is going to come into my fucking boardroom, laugh at me, and engage in mother fucking word play with me but not answer my question. I look at the ground, take a deep breath, reorient my eyes back towards the man and say: “what is it that I can do for you?”
“I’m here for you Tim, whatever you want. I ask for nothing in return.”
“I’m supposed to be impressed that you know my name? I’m the richest man in this city. Everyone knows my name. Here’s the thing, I don’t do business with people I don’t know and don’t trust, so why don’t you leave, now!”
“I’ll leave when I’m ready,” he says, somehow without any tone of arrogance.
I pick up the phone to call security; it’s dead. I try to open the boardroom door, locked.
“What do you want?” I ask.
“What do you want?” He parrots back.
“Ten gorgeous clean hookers and an extra large pizza.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, out of frustration. As soon as my eyes are open again, there are ten beautiful young women, glammed up, wearing very tight business attire, and there is a God damned pizza in the middle of the table.
“What the hell?” I ask.
“I’m here for anything you want.”
“Anything?”
“Pretty much. You can have anything that a human being has at some point in their life had, and if it’s something that can be kept, you can keep it.”
“This is where I’m supposed to ask for money?”
“If that’s what you want,” he replied.
“I don’t need any more money. Can you send me back in time?”
“No. Humans can’t time travel.”
I look at him curiously and ask: “how do you know?”
“There are magical hookers in the room. Trust me, I know.”
He grabs a slice of pizza, walks over to where three hookers are making out and begins to open his pants.
“I don’t want the hookers.” Just as I utter those words, they disappear, so I continue with: “and no pizza either,” and it too was gone.
He turns around with his erect penis exposed, attempting to tuck it back into his pants but not ashamed to show me while saying: “I thought you were going to be fun.”
“I don’t actually have sex with hookers.”
“How about revenge? We could get back at everyone who once wronged you.”
“Well…” I say while pondering it for a moment.
“I’ve been alive for longer than all of humanity; please take your time. I’m patient,” he says with an erection that is still somewhat visible through his zipped up pants.
“Do I have to make some sort of deal with you first? Do I have to give you my soul? I won’t do that.”
“You people and your contracts. There is no deal. There is no such thing as signing over your soul. I’m here for you. Whatever you want to do, we’ll do it. Then, I’ll leave. Simple, no contracts, understand?”
I worry that there is some sort of catch that I’m missing here, but if he is some mystical beast who can give me almost anything I desire, I would be a fool not to take him up on that.
“OK. Did you see my secretary on the way in?”
“Yes, she’s the nice lady who is hiding an obvious black eye by wearing too much makeup.”
“Yeah. Her boyfriend gave her that black eye. Can you take him out of the picture?”
“Sure. Done.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that,” he said before walking out.
I guess that’s it. I guess I only get one thing, and I selflessly used it on someone else. I’m good with that. My life has been about making money, about taking what I want. Now, I did something for someone else.
I went home after that, poured myself a rather tall glass of port and binge watched Mad Men. After my day, I totally deserved it. I thought about calling up the neighbor lady to come over and have sex with me, but she’s married, and I’m trying to do the right thing now. Look at me, practically mother fucking Theresa. Maybe tomorrow I’ll start a charity.
Time to make a phone call.
“Hello.”
“Hey. Is your mom home?” I ask.
“No.”
“So, you’re alone?”
“Yeah.”
“You want me to come over?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
It’s the married ladies daughter. I know it’s wrong, but she turns 18 next month, and I deserve this.
—
It was a fun night last night, but I have to get back to business, back to the office.
I shout for my secretary, “Emily.”
The man with the magical powers comes in: “yes?”
“You again? I thought you were done. Where’s Emily?”
“Oh, she’s at home, mourning the loss and all.”
I look at him with screwed up eyes and say: “what loss?”
“I killed the boyfriend. You know they were in love, right?”
“I didn’t tell you to kill him. I told you get him out of the picture.”
“You can’t use word play with me. I’m powerful, damn you. I knew what your intentions were. I can read thoughts and emotions. You wanted him dead. He’s dead. Now, Emily is at home with her hands over her face, crying uncontrollably, while the police question her.”
“Why are the police questioning her?” I ask, angrily.
“You always suspect the girlfriend first.”
“This is not what I wanted. Fix it.” I said, in a very demanding voice.
“It’s what you asked for, and your actions have consequences. Like I said before, there is no contract. Life is a series of moments and choices, and when you make bad choices and bad things happen as a result, it’s on you. You are the sum of your choices.”
“So why are you here? You just want to gloat?” I ask.
“I met with a man this morning who found out about a week ago that his wife was cheating on him. He installed nanny cams in his house to catch her, to be sure. What he saw is one of his neighbors fornicating with his 17 year old daughter. When I told him he could have anything he wanted, he asked me to take that man out of the picture.”